I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
