So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
