3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
