I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
