YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
