i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
