oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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