Cold hands, warm shart.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize