sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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