It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize