It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
