I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
