Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
