those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize