I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
