He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
