so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
