It's Friday. Sex?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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