her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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