Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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