I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
