i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize