her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
