I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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