either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
