Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
