I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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