remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
