How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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