At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
