do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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