Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
