Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
