dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you would pick up someone in the library
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
