Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
whose ass print is on the piano?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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