Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
