no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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