Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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