Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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