Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize