I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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