yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
