If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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