my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
