Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
