its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
