last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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