Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
