I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
