Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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