That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two words: blizzard sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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