my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it glows. i had to have it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
