I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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