1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
