I just pynch a tree in the face
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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