No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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