i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
