my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
