i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Couch. On fire.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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