sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
