I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
