I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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