at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
