I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
