So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
