You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
